She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
