you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
