you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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