the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
