Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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