i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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