you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
