I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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