what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
