I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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