Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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