I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
