i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
