By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
try to milk me bitch
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