my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
