I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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