In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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