My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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