So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
