Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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