His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
