All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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