Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
