next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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