I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
