You're earring is so big in my mouth
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
