Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize