apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
last night I used snow as a chaser
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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