I wish I could teleport
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
