Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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