Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I need to sanitize my soul.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
