There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the day after is always just damage control
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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