3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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