how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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