drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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