p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
