At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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