I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
