I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
