Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
