i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
