Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
