I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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