I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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