I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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