I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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