then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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