..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
