I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
