Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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