Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The power of my boobs compel you
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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