I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
