Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
party gras won. party gras always wins.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
