She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
