I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
