I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
